People were often coming and going. They flew by in their own time. She never really cared for people. They were always so predictably human. They were always poor, broken beings— with abandonment issues, obsessive disorders, facial tics, speech impediments, addictions, religions, normality. She would often watch these symptoms of humanity with contempt. There were so many symptoms, so difficult to ignore.
Her first memory of him was of an email. Then, she had suspected he was just another metrosexual of the modern world with a severely heavy wallet. His words were meticulously placed. He was punctual and precise, despite the triviality of the topic. Who actually enjoyed eating sushi? A man named Ian Rothcraft did, apparently.
When she first saw him, she lost all but who she was. When she first saw the monstrous smile spread across his porcelain teeth, he became like an illness to her. It was the sudden intuition to run away that poisoned her first. It was the beating in her chest like the ticking of a bomb; it was the birth of disaster. Behind carefully executed movements and the gestures of a gentleman lay so much wickedness. Within that very wickedness, she found freedom.
At first, he was an interest. It didn't take long before interest became addiction. There wasn't a moment when he didn't casually grace her thoughts. The danger he represented was like a rapturous drug. And by the time she tasted the first kiss, her addiction had turned into religion. Every element of him, his body, his very name, had been transformed into a prayer. That prayer repeated itself every day. It repeated itself until it became normality.
Losing him was the first time she ever felt like she had been reduced to humanity. It was the first time she ever felt the torment of being human. Pain was the most important symptom of humanity. And now, as she buried herself between the plain white walls of a bathtub… there was nothing more than a constant, dull ache.
It was so difficult to ignore.
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